Hello All
I trust you are all well and healthy.
I am writing this joural about a recent vanilla incident that occurred. I have been reflecting upon it for the past few days... still astounded about what I did.
***
On Wednesday, I had my staff call me about a staff member who was having a personal issue with a government agency.
This staff member is not Australian-born; English is her second language but she speaks well enough that we understand her.
She was employed at my workplace a few months ago, and is a very hard worker with a kind personality.
She was sent to my office, and looked distraught. I asked her what was going on. She explained as best she could, as she was feeling emotional from the verbal attack she had received from a clerk at government agency.
I said no problems I will provide the information they require. I did. She took it.
An hour later she returned to my office saying the clerk did not want the information displayed in this way, he wanted it set out in another way. I was taken aback by the request. I was irked as well since it was not my problem however observing this woman’s emotional state, I decided to provide the information he required… again.
There were a couple of people involved in obtaining the information for this staff member… we were bemused but out of sympathy we helped her…and because this clerk at the government agency had called her stupid… my hackles had risen. He was verbally abusive towards her in front of her children and husband. She was tearful in my office, and her family were upset by the clerk’s attitude towards their mother/wife.
We found the relevant information and again provided it to her for this government agency. By this stage, I was wary whether it was the correct information being provided.
I spoke with my other half and said if she returns the next day, I would accompany her to the government agency to confront this clerk.
The staff were a little shocked I would stand up for a staff member who was having personal issues, not work-related, with a government agency. I shrugged, and said someone has to help her.
On the Thursday, I was sitting in my office speaking to my other half stating that if the staff member returned this morning I would go to the government agency. As I was saying these words, she arrived, tearful again.
I had a colleague in my office at the time. I immediately stood up, grabbed my handbag, and said to the staff member “let’s go. I am coming with you to speak with this clerk.” The joy on her face…
We headed off to the government agency. I sat in the car with her husband and children. They were all speaking at once, upset. And I am thinking, holy shit, I am about to confront someone who has disrespected one of my staff members, and its not even work-related.
Her family were very happy I was helping their mother/wife.
We entered the government agency. I looked around… observed the surroundings and people. I sought out the clerk who had been disrespecting my staff member. I located him immediately. The words that came to mind immediately were – fat, white and arrogant.
I am a NZ born black woman, corporate dressed, conservative looking, exuding quiet confidence, and feeling extreme annoyance within. He saw me, and I actually observed him straighten his posture.
The staff member went directly to the clerk who directed her back to an area where she had to sign in. I waited. We all waited to be beckoned by the clerk.
We were finally called forward.
I asked her family to wait while the staff member and I went to the desk.
Two males sat, waiting. The clerk, and what I perceived to be an assessor. The staff member sat down first, then I followed suit. I greeted the clerk and stated here was the paperwork. He greeted me and looked at the paperwork. He said this wasn’t what he wanted. I asked what did he require? He stated he had given the details on a piece of paper to the staff member and where was it. I said it was in my office. I said, tell me again what it is you require in order for us to move forward. He turned his computer around to me which showed the data, etc. he already had and the additional information he required to complete her application.
I stood up to look at the computer more closely.
He stated he told the staff member but she did not grasp it. In a standing position, I looked down at him, over my glasses, and said – “I grasp it”.
I asked again, what specific details did he require. He said “it’s on the paper I gave her, and I politely repeated “what specific information do you require?” He told me. I wrote the required information down in shorthand. I thought I would display another talent of mine.
Oh, did I mention how respectful and courteous the clerk was speaking with me… probably due to the fact I was a well-spoken polite woman, and the fact, he had an assessor beside him monitoring his customer service manner. I smiled inwardly.
The clerk continued to blather on about how he tried to explain the required information to the staff member but she did not seem to understand. I smiled, and continued to watch him.
I then said, “I understand and I will arrange for the information to be provided to you within the hour”.
Then I sat back down in the chair, still slightly smiling and my eyes became expressionless…
I looked at him directly and said: “now I understand you spoke disrespectfully to the staff member yesterday?” He stumbled over his words and said “no, I didn’t”. I then said: “I understand you called the staff member stupid?”. He said “I did not. Well, I only said stupid once”. The assessor was writing notes. I continued to stare at the clerk with a hint of a smile. He said to me, “she took the word out of context”… and proceeded to state what he actually said. He said to the staff member “you cannot be that stupid, otherwise your employer would not have employed you”. I said, “Aah OK”. I immediately stood up and said we will have the information to you this afternoon. He proceeded to bleat on trying to justify his words but I turned to the family and said “let’s go”. I said with a sideways glance, “thanks for your time”. He looked nervous, and red. The assessor was still writing notes.
We walked to the car, and the family could not contain their excitement. They said he wasn’t like that yesterday. He was so horrible to their mother/wife. They said he was nervous and very respectful towards me. I was amused but still annoyed. However, I was happy that they were feeling a little relaxed after the traumatic interactions that had occurred with the clerk the day before.
They dropped me off at my workplace. I obtained the assistance of one of my other staff. We collated the necessary information. I put it into the format required, called the staff member back into work, gave it to her. She took it back to the government agency.
She returned an hour later. She and the family had smiles galore plastered all over their faces – I must say, so much better than tears and sadness. They said the clerk was so friendly and kind to them, it was like he was another person. He asked them who I was and they said she, me, is one of the bosses at the workplace. They could not contain their glee at the change in his attitude. The staff member said her children could not stop talking about me in how I handled the clerk. I did not do much except make him accountable for his actions.
It was a little embarrassing to have all that praise lavished upon me by the family but I was accepting of it, quietly.
I turned to take a sip of my herbal tea, next minute, I felt the side of my body being touched. I turned around, and the staff member had touched my head, hip, and foot to bless me. They all bowed when they left my office and I just stared a little dumbfounded… a gorgeous dumbfounded of course!
In short, this was a very interesting experience for me. I am still reflecting how I feel about my actions.
I think for me it really was about the injustice of it all. I have had to deal with bullies throughout life, like many of you, but to contend with a bully in the vanilla world towards another who isn’t connected to me in any real personal sense was so ‘unlike me’.
I am surprised that I actually went to the government agency to speak to the clerk about what he required and to find out why he had spoken to the staff member in such a belittling, patronising, intimidating way in front of the other clerks and customers. Obviously, he believed he had the power to do so. Obviously he was arrogant enough to think he could reduce a migrant woman to an emotional mess without consequences.
Well fuck that! It was an injustice to pick on someone who could not defend themselves because of their cultural background, and limited English. This clerk ridiculed her in front of her husband whose spoken English isn’t strong but his understanding of the language was very clear, and her two children who speak Australian-English beautifully but they all felt helpless in how to deal with this clerk. He had the power. They did not. They are all gentle souls. There is no sign of aggression about them at all. Lovely gentle people. And they helplessly watched their mother reduced to tears by the bullying behaviour of this ‘clerk’ who by the way was an immigrant himself – an English immigrant with a cockney accent.
In conclusion, after writing this long story about the recent incident, I just want to say to people – do not let the bullies get away with their intimidating ways towards you or others. Sure, I will choose my battles but that does not mean I won’t speak up when others cannot or do not know how to when dealing with these types. Yes, there are times where I will ignore bullies but sometimes you do have to stand up for yourself, and/or others. Bullying is unacceptable behaviour!
This staff member is not Australian-born; English is her second language but she speaks well enough that we understand her.
She was employed at my workplace a few months ago, and is a very hard worker with a kind personality.
She was sent to my office, and looked distraught. I asked her what was going on. She explained as best she could, as she was feeling emotional from the verbal attack she had received from a clerk at government agency.
I said no problems I will provide the information they require. I did. She took it.
An hour later she returned to my office saying the clerk did not want the information displayed in this way, he wanted it set out in another way. I was taken aback by the request. I was irked as well since it was not my problem however observing this woman’s emotional state, I decided to provide the information he required… again.
There were a couple of people involved in obtaining the information for this staff member… we were bemused but out of sympathy we helped her…and because this clerk at the government agency had called her stupid… my hackles had risen. He was verbally abusive towards her in front of her children and husband. She was tearful in my office, and her family were upset by the clerk’s attitude towards their mother/wife.
We found the relevant information and again provided it to her for this government agency. By this stage, I was wary whether it was the correct information being provided.
I spoke with my other half and said if she returns the next day, I would accompany her to the government agency to confront this clerk.
The staff were a little shocked I would stand up for a staff member who was having personal issues, not work-related, with a government agency. I shrugged, and said someone has to help her.
On the Thursday, I was sitting in my office speaking to my other half stating that if the staff member returned this morning I would go to the government agency. As I was saying these words, she arrived, tearful again.
I had a colleague in my office at the time. I immediately stood up, grabbed my handbag, and said to the staff member “let’s go. I am coming with you to speak with this clerk.” The joy on her face…
We headed off to the government agency. I sat in the car with her husband and children. They were all speaking at once, upset. And I am thinking, holy shit, I am about to confront someone who has disrespected one of my staff members, and its not even work-related.
Her family were very happy I was helping their mother/wife.
We entered the government agency. I looked around… observed the surroundings and people. I sought out the clerk who had been disrespecting my staff member. I located him immediately. The words that came to mind immediately were – fat, white and arrogant.
I am a NZ born black woman, corporate dressed, conservative looking, exuding quiet confidence, and feeling extreme annoyance within. He saw me, and I actually observed him straighten his posture.
The staff member went directly to the clerk who directed her back to an area where she had to sign in. I waited. We all waited to be beckoned by the clerk.
We were finally called forward.
I asked her family to wait while the staff member and I went to the desk.
Two males sat, waiting. The clerk, and what I perceived to be an assessor. The staff member sat down first, then I followed suit. I greeted the clerk and stated here was the paperwork. He greeted me and looked at the paperwork. He said this wasn’t what he wanted. I asked what did he require? He stated he had given the details on a piece of paper to the staff member and where was it. I said it was in my office. I said, tell me again what it is you require in order for us to move forward. He turned his computer around to me which showed the data, etc. he already had and the additional information he required to complete her application.
I stood up to look at the computer more closely.
He stated he told the staff member but she did not grasp it. In a standing position, I looked down at him, over my glasses, and said – “I grasp it”.
I asked again, what specific details did he require. He said “it’s on the paper I gave her, and I politely repeated “what specific information do you require?” He told me. I wrote the required information down in shorthand. I thought I would display another talent of mine.
Oh, did I mention how respectful and courteous the clerk was speaking with me… probably due to the fact I was a well-spoken polite woman, and the fact, he had an assessor beside him monitoring his customer service manner. I smiled inwardly.
The clerk continued to blather on about how he tried to explain the required information to the staff member but she did not seem to understand. I smiled, and continued to watch him.
I then said, “I understand and I will arrange for the information to be provided to you within the hour”.
Then I sat back down in the chair, still slightly smiling and my eyes became expressionless…
I looked at him directly and said: “now I understand you spoke disrespectfully to the staff member yesterday?” He stumbled over his words and said “no, I didn’t”. I then said: “I understand you called the staff member stupid?”. He said “I did not. Well, I only said stupid once”. The assessor was writing notes. I continued to stare at the clerk with a hint of a smile. He said to me, “she took the word out of context”… and proceeded to state what he actually said. He said to the staff member “you cannot be that stupid, otherwise your employer would not have employed you”. I said, “Aah OK”. I immediately stood up and said we will have the information to you this afternoon. He proceeded to bleat on trying to justify his words but I turned to the family and said “let’s go”. I said with a sideways glance, “thanks for your time”. He looked nervous, and red. The assessor was still writing notes.
We walked to the car, and the family could not contain their excitement. They said he wasn’t like that yesterday. He was so horrible to their mother/wife. They said he was nervous and very respectful towards me. I was amused but still annoyed. However, I was happy that they were feeling a little relaxed after the traumatic interactions that had occurred with the clerk the day before.
They dropped me off at my workplace. I obtained the assistance of one of my other staff. We collated the necessary information. I put it into the format required, called the staff member back into work, gave it to her. She took it back to the government agency.
She returned an hour later. She and the family had smiles galore plastered all over their faces – I must say, so much better than tears and sadness. They said the clerk was so friendly and kind to them, it was like he was another person. He asked them who I was and they said she, me, is one of the bosses at the workplace. They could not contain their glee at the change in his attitude. The staff member said her children could not stop talking about me in how I handled the clerk. I did not do much except make him accountable for his actions.
It was a little embarrassing to have all that praise lavished upon me by the family but I was accepting of it, quietly.
I turned to take a sip of my herbal tea, next minute, I felt the side of my body being touched. I turned around, and the staff member had touched my head, hip, and foot to bless me. They all bowed when they left my office and I just stared a little dumbfounded… a gorgeous dumbfounded of course!
In short, this was a very interesting experience for me. I am still reflecting how I feel about my actions.
I think for me it really was about the injustice of it all. I have had to deal with bullies throughout life, like many of you, but to contend with a bully in the vanilla world towards another who isn’t connected to me in any real personal sense was so ‘unlike me’.
I am surprised that I actually went to the government agency to speak to the clerk about what he required and to find out why he had spoken to the staff member in such a belittling, patronising, intimidating way in front of the other clerks and customers. Obviously, he believed he had the power to do so. Obviously he was arrogant enough to think he could reduce a migrant woman to an emotional mess without consequences.
Well fuck that! It was an injustice to pick on someone who could not defend themselves because of their cultural background, and limited English. This clerk ridiculed her in front of her husband whose spoken English isn’t strong but his understanding of the language was very clear, and her two children who speak Australian-English beautifully but they all felt helpless in how to deal with this clerk. He had the power. They did not. They are all gentle souls. There is no sign of aggression about them at all. Lovely gentle people. And they helplessly watched their mother reduced to tears by the bullying behaviour of this ‘clerk’ who by the way was an immigrant himself – an English immigrant with a cockney accent.
In conclusion, after writing this long story about the recent incident, I just want to say to people – do not let the bullies get away with their intimidating ways towards you or others. Sure, I will choose my battles but that does not mean I won’t speak up when others cannot or do not know how to when dealing with these types. Yes, there are times where I will ignore bullies but sometimes you do have to stand up for yourself, and/or others. Bullying is unacceptable behaviour!
